hysteroscopy

In June I found out I had uterine scar tissue; another soul-crushing blow.  I had thought that maybe in Sept I would be trying again in tandem with a surrogate.  This killed that hope.  Having my privates messed with again  gives me PTSD. The Sacramento operation had a three month waiting list (we got in at two months - in Folsom- because of a cancellation). The doctor told us it would take my uterus two months to heal internally before we could proceed with any next steps.

Of course the wait was nerve wracking.  Meanwhile I had/have PTSD when it came to hospitals, doctors, people near my vagina.  Feeling like there is/was still something more/extra wrong with my women parts hurt my soul more.  I just wanted fixed whatever I could have fixed, whatever I had control over fixing.  It is scary thinking i could get pregnant (1% chance) and have another baby die on me because of scar tissue.

The pre-op phone call- one week before:
I thought it would be informative. I thought I would be informed and have all my questions answered.  I was sick of looking things up on-line and seeing the bad stuff such as perhaps things like "woman dies from hysteroscopy" or "50% of hysteroscopies are successful" or some such thing.  I wanted to know how long it would take me to heal from the pain, how long would the operation would take, what I could and couldn't  do. 

Of course I dont get a single question answered- oh, no.  Instead a rude lady, who knew nothing about my person history, who didnt even know what operation I was undertaking and who definitely didnt know I lost a baby at five months and really could care less because she had 20 other people to call before she went home to her shitty life.   I had to answer the "150 questions" about family health and history that I literally had to answer twice already from the IVF and surrogacy stuff (4 pages of paper work each time and should really be readily available on my medical effing chart on the computer)...but I had to do it verbally this time- stupid.  and heartbreaking.

 THEN THEN THEN THEN she wants to ask me about what medications I am taking.  I say ambien to help me sleep and then she says she needs to go over what is on my medications history.  ok.  and she starts asking me about each individual IVF medication-  I say things to indicated 'hey, this is tough, this is from IVF, that is from IVF, she doesnt care and just wants me to shut up and say yes or no.   bitc* dont you know I lost a baby- whor*...but NO she doesnt know anything.  Progesterone- are you taking it? that it is for... Aspirin, are you taking it? it is for...  Are you taking estrogen, it is for... then all the medication I had for morning sickness that didnt ever help.  Zofran..it is for... SERIOUSLY KAISER?  Can YOU NOT HavE a column of past drugs?  Can you not look through the list and see if there would be any that would interact badly with the operation drugs and just quickly ask about those?   I wanted to throw the phone and hurt the bitc* and break something.  Ill rub salt in your wounds, whor*.  Anyway, good thing the husband was there so I could give  the phone to him. I said "I'm sorry I cant talk to you anymore" started crying AND She almost didnt let him answer the questions for me.  he tried to get through 10 more IVF drugs effing Kaiser retard shit.  Then she needed me on the phone 5 minutes later and by then I had tried to compose myself.  It took me a week to get over this.


Pre-Op apt 2 days before:
It was pointless.  It wasnt needed.  It could have been done over the phone. Why did we need to drive 2 hours for this?  Well, I guess he did look to see if the scar tissue was still there- and yes, it was.  He didnt tell me I would get an effing breathing tube down my throat when they put me under and that I would need soar throat drops for more than a week.  And he really should have said "get alka seltzer, ginger juice, soup, and tea"  He said "your tummy might be a little upset for a day or so" so I thought ok A LITTLE.  WRONG.  about four days of upset tummy.

I guess It was good that we went because THEY TOLD US THE TIME and of course they changed it WITHOUT TELLING us  (fourth time in the 8th month of working with them).  So, one and 1/2 days before the operation we are left with trying to change everything around AGAIN- like no one has a job or anything. 

operation day:
get up at 4
to leave at 5
to get to FOLSOM by 630 AM
Husbands parents were there to support us both (too early now for my parents and apparently I am not worth it- who cares if I die from some strange mess up)
I am glad they were there to talk with husband while I was under
I am glad they were there to talk to me while they were prepping me in the bed
and glad they were there when I woke up
nurse rushed us out of there in a hurry all rude while I was still groggy and could barely walk and she dressed my naked self- weird.  and said I am dressing you and doing it the way I want- ooooh k so glad you are the one helping me

healing:
throat hurt for over a weak
no heavy drugs needed- yay
cervix felt soar and strange for 7 days and a couple of instances after
swimming bothered me on day 4 even though they said I could shower and bathe
swimming was fine on day 6
didn't feel normal until day 8.

Doctor told husband I would be ready for starting the whole mess over again in a week (not two months)...

oh sure scrape me up and tell me this -
ugh