Depression

So yesterday almost threw self out of a moving vehicle. The push was so strong. Was so scared. Just wanted to unbuckle - open the door- and leap onto hwy 37. Stopped and cried and climbed behind truck seats and layed down the rest of the way home. Never come so close to death. Never been so sad and scared. So sad so angry everytime the house is left experience more and more pain. Dont want to leave it for at least a week.