Getting nowhere

After discussing things with Dustin we decided we wanted to go to shots and this is the response I got from the nurse practitioner:

HI Kristin!
I am glad that you and Dustin had a chance to talk things out.
I am thinking that Skipping over to straight shots is not your best option. The risk of hyperstimulation and multiple births is high. So we would like to have that as our "big guns" so to speak. It doesn't really make sense to move to something super aggressive then go back to something less aggressive. We are giving you a better chance at responding to the drugs by putting you on metformin. It would be safer and more sensible to do the intermediate step first. I know you want to get everything in before the stress of the school year sets in, but we also are thinking about what is the best thing for you medically.
Don't want to discount your plan, because I know you have a lot of other things going on, but our first consideration is what is best for you medically that poses the least amount of risk. That would be the combination cycle.
Talk about that with D and let me know,
Stephanie

Feeling very powerless.

hhhmmm

"Although back pain may seem normal, it could be a sign of  a cyst on your ovary.
Do you feel pain from your back and your lower abdominal quadrants when lifting an object from the ground or having a bowel movement?
Stand with your back straight and feet shoulder length apart, bend your body at the waist and try to touch your toes. Does this induce back pain?"

http://howconceive.com/ovarian-cyst-back-pain/

"There are three crucial elements when it comes to ovarian cyst and back pain:
Fibers
Water
Heating pad "
The third and last step is drinking herbal tea. This step can be an important one considering that heat usually helps you to relief from the pain you feeling what you have ovarian cyst.
http://ovariancysttreatmentblog.com/ovarian-cyst-and-back-pain-3-golden-rules-to-relief-your-backache-for-good/

Surgery

• Laparoscopy (lap-uh-ROSS-kuh-pee)—done if the cyst is small and looks benign (noncancerous) on the ultrasound. While you are under general anesthesia, a very small cut is made above or below your navel. A small instrument that acts like a telescope is put into your abdomen. Then your doctor can remove the cyst.
• Laparotomy (lap-uh-ROT-uh-mee)—done if the cyst is large and may be cancerous. While you are under general anesthesia, larger incisions are made in the stomach to remove the cyst. The cyst is then tested for cancer. If it is cancerous, the doctor may need to take out the ovary and other tissues, like the uterus. If only one ovary is taken out, your body is still fertile and can still produce estrogen.
• taken from http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/ovarian-cysts.cfm

Another Doctor Visit

So, I cried from 11 to 6pm...didn't feel better until the morning.

The last few visits have been with Stephanie Martin and this visit was with Dr Goud.  So, of course, another party in the violation room.  And, sadly, no results...not even a tiny reaction to this drug.  They couldn't see the left ovary too well because I had pee in my bladder.  I had to hop off the table and with my paper towel sheet and shoeless walk across the hall to go relieve myself.  Then we had a clear view of my ovary doing nothing.
When he was finished pulling out his instrument for the second time he discussed how he would like me to be on metphormin for 3 months, lose weight and exercise, and surgically remove the 7 plus cysts from one ovary and 5 plus from the other.

At this point I shut down~ exercise...do you realize that my tailbone still hurts me...I said something and he stated metphormin will help. Surgery?~ do you realize that I was just cut open 5 times for my tailbone and have spend way too much time in hospitals for the last 7 months?

Then in my haze he said something about trying both drugs again (of which I do not want to do because clomid makes me crazy and femara gave me the worst headache)  he thinks weight loss and metphormine will stimulate the right hormones (yeah, fing right, I want to laugh in his face).  I dont think it will work.  I am willing to bet money on it.

Then I said something about the fact that we had discussed with Stephanie that the next step will be shots or I at least, what I thought would be, a higher dose of femara.

we looked at the calendar and he didn't want to give me progesterone to start my period ~WTF
He didn't want me to do anything until three weeks from now~ WTF and summer is over and there went my dream of getting this done over summer...there went my thought of trying to do the hard stuff over the summer.

I whined and said something about the shots in which both doctor and nurse explained we would be missing steps and that we would increase triplets do 20%...then he would have triplets everywhere...but he would be willing if that is what we decide...but everyone is making it out like it is such a sin to jump to that.  The other complication is that when i will be able to start my next treatment school will have started (Aug 8th) and IF i did start shot treatment then I would need to be in their office every 3 days (at $175 a pop)...I can't skip school the first month...and these visits are so traumatizing to me every time  (makes me feel broken).

So I want to break and throw things and scream at the top of my lungs.

Femara Headache

Worst headache for 3 days~ thanks Femara.  Not as bad as a migraine but still felt like my brain was slowly being eaten away by acid. Super-fun!  Not as much bi-polar feeling as clomid but still skin crawling anger.

Feng Shui for Baby-Making

What I am reminding myself now that summer is here and we have more time to focus on cleaning.

First of make the bedroom a haven for us both. 

1.    Address west sector (children sector) of your bedroom and living room such as clean out crowded closets, avoid candles or bright lamps (fire), place earth/ceramic objects and electronics.

2.    make sure bathroom doors are shut and to keep a bright light on in this room.

3.    Clear and de-clutter  the area under the bed

4.    Place bunnies, trunk-down elephants and pictures of happy babies, 9 stalks of bamboo and hanging crystal in right center, two red lanterns on both sides of bed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vwed2AjEn4&feature=related

http://www.qwiki.com/q/#!/Polycystic_ovary_syndrome

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caeNL4nprnQ&feature=related

Why

"Some groups of patients, such as women with PCOS – polycystic ovary syndrome, do not respond well to clomiphene citrate."

Why did they fing give it to me then?  I had to email my doctor saying "this is very hard for me"  and then face to face she said "I dont know why people with PCOS react to Clomid but they do. ..your body is not used to what is going on inside"  

IF YOU KNEW it is typical than WTF...why mess with me the last week of school?

WTF

"This medication is used to treat certain types of breast cancer (such as hormone-receptor-positive breast cancer) in women after menopause. Letrozole is also used to help prevent the cancer from returning. Some breast cancers are made to grow faster by a natural hormone called estrogen. Letrozole decreases the amount of estrogen the body makes and helps to slow or reverse the growth of these breast cancers.
Letrozole is usually not used in women of childbearing age."

http://www.rxlist.com/femara-drug.htm

trials 6

since then I have seen the nurse practitioner at least 4 times to have ultrasound after ultrasound after ultrasound...We first had to try low dose of Clomid...no luck ...had to come back 4 days later...still no luck...then progesterone for 5 days, wait 3 days, then period for 3 days then higher dose of Clomid for five days that made me utterly psycho...then two more visits to the  doc with negative results.  Now we are on to another round of progesterone.

Next medicine is Femara ~ a medicine that is NOT medically released to improve ovulation.  It was created to help people with cancer to absorb chemo medicine...so WTF.

did I mention that clomid was $130 each time?  Did I mention that every time we have to go to the pharmacy and there is a 1 hour wait  so we go home and come back later.  It is 9:30 pm and we just went to pick up the new meds...this time they were only $15..wow.

Trials 5

Somewhere in this madness I got a huge blister on my tailbone and had a huge ordeal of getting it drained and then packed and cleaned almost daily.  The STD tests were taken (since fertility is a separate entity no desk-clerk knows what they are doing, who to call, or how much to charge…so always estimate an extra 10-15 min).  We were clean. 

Sonohystogram:  They said it wasn’t going to hurt.  It hurts…in fact it hurts all night and a bit the next day.  Expect to not be able to sleep.  Here they inserted air, more air, and more air until they were totally sure they could see the air come out of the other side of each tube.  Where does this air go you ask?  This is the fun part.  Your body must absorb it. Apparently, it effects the gallbladder somehow, which sends sharp shooting pains up into you right shoulder…almost like you are being stabbed…this goes on all night. Plus, it makes you feel nauseous, and like curling over and sitting on the floor holding your belly.  

After, this lovely procedure (again, too many people looking at my vagae) nurse practitioner wanted to have a meeting.  She actually thought I would have the ability to sit there and listen when I wanted to rip out my innards.  (And to think they said husband didn’t need to be there and that I could drive home)…Oh and the apt had to be at 2:30 ~ the latest they could make it (again, missing work~ grr).  And it had to be after my period (which I was not getting and waited too long for, had to get another pregnancy test before they would give me more progesterone to get my period).  I excused myself to the bathroom feeling as if I were trampled by buffalo.  This indicated to her I was not doing so well in which she explained some things to husband, had him sign two to three papers, and had him take home a bunch of paper work (all of which he read to me the next day).

Our next meeting wasn’t to be until after my next period (Yay, let’s wait another month!)

Trials 4

It seemed like forever to get the results of the testing.  It was about a week before we could view them online (without knowing what it meant) and about another week until we had our first meeting with the doctor (felt like 5 months).  This first meeting was “Hi, I’m your doctor.  I am very friendly…blah..blah. Now spread you legs”  We measured my uterus and measured each ovary with a machine that looks like it should be on the 1980’s version of Star Treck.  And, of course, we had to have three people in the room: Nurse, nurse practitioner, and Dr.   

The results: polycystic ovaries (could lead to diabetes and cancer), need glucose test and need to take the first step toward fertility treatment by having a saline sonohystogram (air-bubble test), we must take STD blood tests at $175… and my husband had very little fertile sperm.

Trials 3

We took the soonest apt available.  We crankily took the time off of work.  My husband being more scared of how his students would behave in his absence than of taking actual time off.  We were herded into conference room with two other people, given our first set of paperwork to fill out (3 pages), and watched the power-point.  It went over the fertility cycle and the inner workings of both male and female (yawn), what pills could do, what procedures they could provide, and then went over worst case scenario.  They explained that in Solano County it is a 50/50 weather it is the male or female that is infertile.  

We were to sign ourselves up for testing.  I was to pee and have my blood taken (easy) and poor husband had to bring in a sample …only it had to be between the hours of 8:30 and 11.   This is no easy feat when you have to be at work at 8:00 (and when there is a 35 min line that early in the morning).

Trials 2

The fertility center promptly called us within the week and told us we would need to come for a group meeting to watch a power-point.  It was to cost us around $60 and everything else from here on out would cost money as they are a “separate entity” from Kaiser, Vacaville. This power-point was to answer all out questions and give us an overview of what could be ahead.  The problem:  They only show the power point once every two weeks at 12 noon. This is great for working couples.  So, day one taken off of work for both of us.

bah

I friend of mine on the same difficult journey just lost her baby in childbirth~this just makes me want to adopt.

Trials

So it all started in June 2010.  The thought was:  Hey, lets make a baby.  And, so, the adventure started.  An adventure that was supposed to be fun for a couple only married a little over a year.  June and July the news was put out "We are going to make a baby!"  and "Yes, it is true!  We are ready and can't wait." 
My husband pulled me aside, "Do you really think it is a good idea to be telling everyone?"


Me, "Of course, why not?  We are excited!"

That should have been the first warning.

As of August 2010 I was no longer getting my period.  In September I went in to see the GYN.
"Well, we could refer you to the fertility department.  Do you want that?  I could give you these pills but there is no guarantee that they will work or do anything...the Fertility Dept  would have a better idea of what you are up against" ...

The adventure cont...